Lyme and Fear
I spent MANY years as something of a Lost Lymer. During the years when I was so incredibly sick, I knew very few others who had it – as a matter of fact, it wasn’t until I was sitting in some clinic during something like my fourth round of it that I saw the poster with the photo of just HOW TINY those blasted ticks were.
When I danced with Lyme in those days, there were no massive online support groups or green ribbons or coffee mugs that referred to us as “Lymies”. We were pretty much on our own. Once I became sick enough to lose my job, my health insurance and my home, I REALLY……. was on my own.
And you know what? I honestly think it worked in my favor. It gave me the odd ‘luxury’ of dealing with myself a symptom at a time, a chapter at a time and I didn’t get swept up in the tsunami of protocols and politics and conspiracy theories and FEAR that I see interfering with so many folks’ getting well.
Now, after MANY years of writing, and coaching and listening to others with Lyme, I’m still of the mind that FEAR is the greatest obstacle to healing. Give one small thought to what your body DOES in a state of FEAR. It tenses right up, everything shuts down. That’s extreme fear. Then there’s that low-grade, constant hum of ‘what if….what if…..what if…..’ Neither is going to help you HEAL.
The other major obstacle to healing is the huge, hideous pharmaceutical marketing machine that owns everything and is intent on brow-beating anyone who gets near any kind of media into accepting that we can’t POSSIBLY be >HEALTHY< without DRUGS and lots of them. So they feed that fear – constantly – because hey, that’s REALLY effective. We’re taught to ‘relieve symptoms’ as the way to health. That’s like silencing your children because they’re two years old and annoying. Nice ‘cure’ for the Terrible Twos.
So with all that going on and the fact that you feel unbelievably, inconsistently and horrifyingly TERRIBLE, it’s going to be a hard task for me to suggest you hit REBOOT and try to remove ~OMG~ as your daily mantra. Once you suspect that you have Lyme (& Co) and begin researching, you start the IV drip of fear. How much WORSE it can get; how some folks believe you NEVER get rid of it; how it (will?) ‘turn into MS’; that yes, folks have most definitely died of it and committed suicide to end it. I’m not saying that NONE of that is true, I’m suggesting that that not be the main part of your diet.
I often think of myself as a Team of Two. Me and my body. That’s it. That’s the team. Everything else is an ALLY. But in the end, it comes down to the two of YOU. People with threatening illnesses can seriously disconnect from their bodies. That may seem like a coping mechanism (and for a time it can be) but it probably isn’t going to move you closer to really and truly healing.
We’re scared to death of symptoms. We’ve been TAUGHT to be. That’s not going to change quickly or easily, but what better time to start than now?
The classic to end all classics is the term “Flu-like symptoms” which must be immediately SQUELCHED because they MEAN you’re coming down with the FLU and you need to obliterate your symptoms so that you can charge back to work (and give it to everyone in the place……nice).
Let’s try this again.
“Flu-like symptoms” (that would be aching joints, headache, weariness, feverish, perhaps a sore throat, skin hurts…..) MEAN that your immune system has just shifted into fifth gear and is kickin’ some SERIOUS BUTT.
Sure. It’s uncomfortable.
Go to bed.
Did you know that your immune system only has FULL POWER when you’re lying down? THAT appears to be a scientific fact. Once you sit or stand, some little switch turns your immune system DOWN. GO to bed!
Now. Let’s go back to that body response to ~omg~ FEAR – Jammed-up tense. NOT what you need when your immune response needs to get to everywhere, do what it does and usher the thugs OUT. But there’s MORE. We’ve learned to PAY ATTENTION to every little twinge and pain in a negative way. (there goes that “omg” again!) When was the last time you gave your own body a “Go, You!” for DOING what it brilliantly KNOWS how to do? When did you quietly OBSERVE exactly what it’s doing?
I remember, the first time I read about the notion of Lyme spirochetes ‘morphing’ in a way that our immune systems can NO LONGER DETECT THEM, feeling this incredible CRASH in my own system. Then I got angry. How DARE those words cause me to lose faith in my own damned immune system!! I think that’s when I realized just what a team my body and I have been for nearly sixty years.
So fine. Lyme spirochetes have a Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak.
Where’s my Teasel wand?
They hide. Where’s the flashlight? We’ll get ‘em.
I’ve probably written a dozen different articles in which I point to my own daughter’s inspired brilliance in asking her children “What HAPPENED?” rather than “What’s WRONG?” It’s something we could all stand to learn. If you greet every twinge, every symptom and every message that your body sends you with “OMG, What’s WRONG??????” You can hardly expect to get well.
ReWind, ReBoot, BackOff, Settle DOWN. Let’s start again.
Get the CliffNotes if you have to, but LEARN how absolutely BRILLIANT a thing the human body IS. From before we were born, it has been functioning, adapting, and SELF-HEALING. Long before we had anything like a clue about ANYTHING, this package we bounce around in KNEW how to make use of the foods we eat and the air we breathe. It knew how to heal an owwie, how to usher out a cold, how to eject something we ate that wasn’t OK. It knows how to rest and recharge and how to bloody-well GROW. It’s absolutely mind-boggling.
How DARE we even consider that this magnificent creation can ONLY be >HEALTHY< with DRUGS. That is simply dishonorable. Not saying that drugs, surgery or standard medicine has never been a LifePreserver, but you can’t LIVE in a life preserver. Come to shore.
I KNOW what it’s like to have my body totally betray me. To drop the things I pick up, tremble when I didn’t want it to, forget where I was driving when I could drive. I KNOW what it’s like to live with pain like it’s some demented roommate, and I remember when a trip to the grocery store was a monumental task that could land me in bed for DAYS.
I will NEVER forget sitting in Eileen Secor’s livingroom WEEPING because I was sick and fevered and was in abject TERROR of becoming homeless. She got up, gave me a tiny, blue glass turtle that a dear friend had given her and assured me that the FEAR of homelessness was FAR greater than what it actually is. I still have that turtle and I got to face being homeless TWICE. You learn to couch-surf, you REALLY learn who your FRIENDS are.
I survived.
I prevailed.
I stood back up.
I recovered.
I went back to gardening
I took up bellydancing
I moved across the country and took my place as GrammaBee to three wondrous children..
I’m staring down my sixtieth birthday in April 2011.
There were times when I wasn’t so sure that all that would happen.
Do NOT let ANYONE inject you with FEAR. Got that? There is no healing in a state of fear. Grab hold of your SELF. You and your body. Yes.
You’ve got a DISEASE. A terrible, horrible, no-good, VERY bad DISEASE.
But do not, do NOT give up on YOU.
Start OVER. Listen to yourself and watch what’s happening. You’re putting up one HELL of a fight, but acknowledge all those little victories. FEED them. You need rest, you need nourishing food. You need to put stresses elsewhere for now. You need to find YOUR allies, whatever they may be. But most of all, you need to TRUST that your body is on YOUR team. Ultimately it comes down to you and YOU.
I honestly believe that the thousands of us who have beat Lyme and lived to talk about it are going to stand up EVER so tall and stare down the worst that the world has to throw at us knowing……….. that you CAN’T scare us anymore.
© 10/27/2010 LadyB
30 comments
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October 28, 2010 at 11:10 am
Jean
hi Barbara,
interesting that this should arrive on my email step this morning, as i’ve been quite sick for about 2 months now and last night, from 3-7am i went through a process with myself and my body where i committed to being present for the pain and the message it had to give.
after 50 years of suppressing in my own various ways the messages it has had to give to me, i made a committment to my body to listen, and to feel and to love it. no more running from it. and to put it first.
thank you healer Barbara. your message is timely.
Jean
October 28, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Sue from bc
Thank you, I will be sharing this with many who need to read this.
October 28, 2010 at 12:30 pm
James Dawson
while i consider my self a healer, i just want to say that Barbara is the REAL deal.
she knows.
she’s been there and done that.
and she gives us hope.
heady stuff, that.
thank you, madam B.
jim.
October 28, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Dan Ellsworth
Never had Lyme,
but I’ve had … stuff.
This lifts. Like an eagle,
find and accept the updrafts.
This is one; look around from on top.
__Dan E.___
October 28, 2010 at 4:12 pm
anne fulton
Thanks Barbara for the excellent advice.Our bodies are truly amazing in their capacity for self renewal and healing. I have allways believed that fear is the biggest hurdle.Teasel has been my friend and ally.When one aligns body, mind, and spirit with your belief system, miracles happen. Love & Light: Annie
October 28, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Julie aka rawveganrunner
A friend of mine sent me a link to this post. I am overwhelmed. I am battling Lyme disease (chronic Lyme) and have been having a hell of a time lately. This post is EXACTLY what I needed to read. I am going to make a copy of it and carry it with me to remind my brain-fogged mind what I need to focus on. Thank you SO much for sharing these thoughts of yours…
October 28, 2010 at 6:02 pm
Lisa
You are SO incredible Barbara, really!! Thank you for being such an inspiration and a service to the planet!
October 29, 2010 at 7:22 am
Linda Hatcher
Thanks so much for sharing this!
You have shared expressions of the mind set, for the battle, that carries us to a Win! This speaks much like my own experience with chron’s disease, years ago…and my body and I, along with chosen choice Allies, also took charge and healed!
Linda H
November 4, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Rainie
Dear Lady B,
Thank you for the very inspiring post. You’re amazing. I, too, believe in the mind/body connection and the power of our thoughts and feelings. You are an inspiration. Thank you so much.
ps…I’ve been dealing with Lyme for over 2 years…I turned 60 three weeks ago. Initially, I didn’t want a party, as I didn’t feeling like celebrating with the effects of this disease. But then I changed my mind and decided to celebrate life, love and friendship. It was a tremendous party and I had one of the best nights of my life.
January 7, 2011 at 11:09 pm
Greg Heister
Hello – your story gives me hope. I have been diagnosed with reactive arthritis. I believe I may have Lyme. The symptoms are very similar but I have had symptoms (neurological) that are more specific to the latter. I watched your video on youtube about your story and teasel weed. I spend a great deal of time in the outdoors and I believe i have been dealing with symptoms for years. I am going to seek out teasel and have seen it very often in my travels. How do I ingest this root? Others talk about a tincture? Is this a solution that involves alcohol? I am in recovery and have been sober 18+years. So not sure a tincture would be a good idea is there another way to ingest the root other than just ripping of a chunk?
Thank you for your time and I too will beat these ailments.
February 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm
ladyb
Greg, you might truly enjoy Wolf Storl’s new book “Healing Lyme Naturally” where he talks about just EATING the root. I couldn’t say how to figure the exact dosage that way, but it would still do you some good. Woodlandessence.com does a glycerite of Teasel, too.
February 23, 2011 at 1:17 pm
Sonya Nelson
Thanks you Lady Barbara for pointing me to this post. I needed to read this. I know a LOT of people that need to read this. I am a warrior. I know this. At the time I started my Lyme Disease blog, I knew I was dying. And I was. However, over time, I have come to realize that I am stronger than this disease & I will not give up. I will find the answers that I am looking for just like you did.
I still have fear, especially when my mind is being messed with my spirochetes, but when I come around, I know I’ve got this…..
Thank you
February 23, 2011 at 3:21 pm
J.BROADHEAD
I would just like to say that it is easy to be confident when the fight is over and you have won.
There is just one question ~ how did you win? You never said. I have had Lyme with co-infections and chronic Lyme for 20 years and still have it. There is no-one in the UK that treats Lyme to ‘cure it’ only treat it and there is no treatment at all on the NHS. ~The UK doesn’t recpgnise Lyme Disease in the country. I did go broke and it did not help. I am still fighting, I am not frightened just confused at what treatment might be successful as no one seems to know which one is ‘the one’?
Lyme is so very deep that to just get over it and pull up your socks and don’t make a fuss just can’t work.NO I AM NOT BEING NEGATIVE JUST FACTUAL! All the Lyme websites are full of advice with everyone trying to get better but there is no-one cured!
There is also a lot of money to be made out of other people’s misfortunes as I’ve learnt to my cost!
February 23, 2011 at 5:25 pm
ladyb
JB, there IS no ONE cure for everyone’s Lyme. That’s kind of the point. Are you asking ME how I ‘won’? Well, all the details are on my web site, http://www.ladybarbara.net, but in a nutshell, I allied with both Teasel and GrapeFRUITseed tablets. But you have to consider, I never DID massive IV antibiotics. I took one month’s worth of doxy with every new case and finally gave up on that. For ME, that combo really did it. I try NOT to use the word ‘cure’, but I most CERTAINLY don’t live in fear of it coming back. I’ve been symptom free for 9 1/2 years. Call it whatever you like. I had Lyme off and on for about 15 years and at the end I looked like the woman in “Under Our Skin”, trembling all over and unable to stand for very long. I’m not in any way telling people to just decide they don’t have it, I know that’s simply foolish. But I also don’t believe that only expensive specialists have OUR answers FOR us. ~LadyB
February 23, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Karen
Barbara – THANK YOU. I have been living in a dark malignant state of fear for too long. Neuro Lyme took me to the brink in 2005 and I am always watching for signs that it is creeping up on me again. So far the neuro stuff had never come back like that again – it manifests just a little differently each time I get slammed with a relapse. But you made me realize the fear is debilitating all on it’s own. Your words gave me such a deep sense of relief. I will have to make a habit of not going to the “fear place”. I can sense that YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT from experience. Like they say, “when the student is ready the teacher appears…” You have a giving spirit.
February 24, 2011 at 6:25 am
Abbie - Crafting for Lyme
Fantastic inspiring post. Thank you so much! I really needed to hear this today!!
April 10, 2011 at 12:06 pm
from Maine
thank you do much for writing. Inspiring! I really want to let go of the fear. It is hard when i am feeling sick. You know! thanks.
May 5, 2011 at 11:19 pm
Lauren
Dear Barbara, my life has been destroyed by Lyme and I am very much out here on my own. No doctor. Self-treated with antibiotics for 3 months, got a lot better then all symptoms returned. Finding out about teasel and then finding out about your website and now this blog has been a wonderful support. Of all that is out there on the internet your information has been the clearest and the best. I have now started with Teasel, although I am not sure it is the recommended wild type, but I am very hopeful. Thank you for everything you have done to pass on your knowledge. You truly are an amazing woman.
May 23, 2011 at 2:52 pm
PaulaJJ
THANK YOU!!!
I can’t believe that I stumbled upon your Blog (via Facebook) at a time when I beating myself up for not staying positive as I promised myself that I would. I am a Lymie and have been suffering with terrible pain for 2 years now (recently diagnosed 3 months ago) – lost my job, my insurance and my mobility – am house bound all the time now. Treatment is a conflict – Some make me feel worse, i’ve ended up in the ER, symptoms vary from day to day that I know my husband thinks I’m insane (but he’s very supportive).
I love how you broke down your approach to your illness and it makes perfect sense. When we are in the throes of pain, however, rational thinking goes out the window. So I guess its more of a habit that we have to train ourselves into over time so that we can deal with the impact of severe symptoms and learn to ride it out with a positive attitude.
Thank you again for taking your time to teach us Lymies……Its Inspiring!
July 21, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Louisemarie
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you. The last few weeks have been so difficult, because I have been so scared of dying from Lymes disease. Scared if it got into my heart. Just scared. My heart is reacting on the fear, and my breething. I am lying at night awake, feeling my heart alomost exploding in my chest. After reading your blog, I think I’ll sleep tight tonight 🙂 Your words are so correct. Thank you. Thank you from taking my fear away.
December 10, 2011 at 8:09 am
Elisabeth Donati
What a post. Hit home in more ways than I’d like to admit. Thank you..
December 31, 2011 at 10:36 am
Vickie Skelley
Thank you LadyB. This was very helpful. I will reread it over and over. Going back to work after 3 months off to recuperate from Lyme. Still in treatment. teasel is good stuff. On both antimicrobials, antibiotics, and herbs and supplements. I’m a fighter with huge faith in God, and also I realize that fear is not our friend. Words mean things. Thoughts control our words. I’m choosing to think positive and not give in to the negative. No, it’s not easy, but nothing is that is worth anything in this life.
Vickie
June 1, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Bernadette Miller
Vickie, that last sentence of yours is a gem. I am going to tuck it into the pocket of my heart. Thank you!!!
March 29, 2012 at 4:39 am
Linda J
It was a blessed day when I landed in Deborah Heart&Lung Hospital in Browns Mill NJ and was roomed with a woman who had lyme and told me about teasle. Carrie takes care of horses and said vets give it to animals. Yes, horses get lyme, too! She took it and it cured her. I googled and found you and your encouraging site. I am on day four of teasle and can honestly say it is helping.
June 1, 2012 at 12:45 pm
Bernadette Miller
Thank you! That was absolutely the most moving, profound, funny,
and inspiring thing that I have read about healing from Lyme disease.
I love your emphasis upon celebrating what is right and trusting the innate healing capacity of the body–those ideas are beautiful, simple, and profound. Sometimes I suspect that I need to be a biochemist or an MD in order to understand and address this strange disease. But you have reminded me how important it is simply to be present so that the small miracles of life can burst through barriers I have erected…..Much gratitude to you!
June 8, 2012 at 10:47 pm
Whispering Wind
Barbara,
thank you so much! I’ve the same fierce determination as you describe in your video. It was not by accident I found you. I have read so much on this stuff and so many herbal pages dedicated to Lyme but there you were in all your glory in the middle of that teasel field talking about Matt and I knew I was at the right place. Because I view wholeness and health as subjective, it makes sense to have found your beautiful encouraging article. I’m 52, had lyme for 35 yrs, unbeknown to me, however, I was sick, don’t get me wrong, but I truly believed whatever it was I would one day find out what that was, in the meantime I did my best, gave it my all but I didn’t honor all that effort and beauty in me and I got bit again. It’s bite reminded me once again the value of my chosen path, my gifts and to honor myself. It took four years after the numerous new bites to find out about Lyme, never had a clue what it really was about other than the small blips I would see on the news on occasion. A bite, a rash, antibiotics for a few weeks, it’s all good. Ooops. I didn’t really pay attention too close, I don’t watch tv let alone the news. Death was whispering through the trees, not quite at my door but not far off. I struggled for over a month to comprehend the magnitude of what Lyme really is about. Out came the garlic, my old dear friend, ally and life force regenerator. It’s been 2.5 months. I’ve recovered my long term memory, tremors have stopped, clearly not well but slowly making my climb back. I’ve just started using Teasel. I’m encouraged and in complete trust. The only thing is, my teasel, I can’t taste the herb, it’s not bitter by a long shot. I’ve got to investigate this more. Had I the ability, I would try a hand at making my own. I refuse to give up my insanely great optimism. I am so blessed to have found you.
November 14, 2012 at 9:51 pm
Nance
Oh yes, when the student is ready the teacher appears!
I have long suspected Lyme’s, even had tests from those edical test mills with negative results. Years later, after treating symtoms rather than the real cause, I have lost great jobs, lost my passion for life, no insurance, homeless; finnacially, mentally emotionally and physically dis-integrating … won’t even go into being misunderstood; yes, we find out who our friends are!
Your video and this article on Lyme’s and fear is exactly what I needed this moment! Sooooo… dear Keeper of The Flame, rekindling hope in my heart that there is an answer for this hopeless dispair of Lyme’s Dsease, where might I find the real deal Teasel tincture, made from the first year roots, made with Love?
March 20, 2013 at 5:04 pm
Jaisibel
Oh my God, Barbara. That was just what I needed to read right now. Thank you.
June 7, 2013 at 6:56 am
anthony
I have alot of fear that it’s even preventing me from getting started with the fear of getting worse. I am very neurological and alot of my insecurities are rearing their ugly head’s 😦
Im at a loss and need some support through this to do my best to overcome the fear.
Your word’s are so inspiring thank you so much
June 7, 2013 at 7:02 am
ladyb
Anthony (and all) I have a Facebook group called “The TeaselLymer’s Garden” here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/129971010356741/ It’s an open group, so you should be able to read what’s there (we’re over 500 members now) but you’ll have to join if you want to post. Sometimes the BEST help is connecting with folks JUST as scared as you are, or better yet, folks who USED to be scared. – LadyB